“我妈妈还不知道”

爱情

“我妈妈还不知道”，

这个想法一直萦绕在我脑际。

幕后的交易，黑暗楼梯的秘密，

如何让一个共和国陷落？

我妈妈不知道

我正和一个皮肤比我更黑的男人躺在一起，

我们无法用名词描述我们如何对待自己的身体，

和对方的那个。那个“他者”占有了我。

没有他我的感官将停止存在。

我妈妈现在正拿着她的小剪子，

破开一头活着的虾。

当我还是个孩子的时候她会剥开每一个红透的葡萄，

只留下灰色的肉脑袋。她会

把葡萄籽去掉，在盘子里堆出亮闪闪的一团放在我面前。

我是如何吸吮，

让充满汁液的水果全面失血，

在电视机前被蜂鸣声催眠，

度过我所有版本的儿童时代？我是

她的女儿。这是绝对的事实。

我正和一个皮肤比我更黑的男人躺在一起，

可能这首诗是我真正的共和国。我的脸是我的脸，

还是我偷了我妈妈的挂在自己脸上？

如果我是一个梦

你可以说我的面容是牙齿的光芒一闪，

或者一种揭示性的表达，就像

放进隔世的狭窄河流的一块地毯？

当真相随水漂流，它是否在乎脸朝上还是朝下？

这个问题的答案至关重要。

作者 / [美] 常蒂娜（音）

翻译 / 光诸

Love

I am haunted by how much our mothers do not know.

How a republic falls because of its backhanded deals，

stairwell secrets. My mother does not know I am lying

with a man who is darker than me， that we do not

have names for how we truly treat our bodies.

What we do with them. The other possesses me.

Without him the perception of me fails to exist.

My mother now is taking her sheers and cutting

through live shrimp. When I was a child she peeled

each flushed grape until only the pale fleshy bead

remained. She placed them onto a plate in one shining

mound， deseeded， in front of me. How I sucked and bled

the fruit of all their juice， hypnotized in front of the buzz

of television in each version of my childhood. I am

her daughter. This is certain. I am lying down with a man

who is darker than me and maybe this poem is my

real republic， my face is my face， or is it stolen from

my mother and hung over mine? If I were a dream

you could say my countenance was a string of flickering lights

made of teeth or an expression unraveling like a carpet

into a narrow river of another life. Does truth matter

when its floating face up or face down?

The answer to this makes all the difference.

Tina Chang

　　（编辑：王日立）

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